I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
