Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
