Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
