It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
