shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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