Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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