Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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