Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
