did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
