I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
