I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
