Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
