Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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