you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I said "one day" and that day is not today
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
