I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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