My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
