i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
