I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
