don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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