its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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