i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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