I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
