MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
