I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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