Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
