Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Are my feet made of real feet?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
