ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just pee around me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
