this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
