Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
