Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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