WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
