he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
