woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
