I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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