I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
