he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the day after is always just damage control
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think people are normalizing furries
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
