but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize