he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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