There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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