why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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