We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
