i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
