so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
