just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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