Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
