Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize