well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
