I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
