I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
