She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
