How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
