end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
