it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize