whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
