I can text with my tongue
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This is the high leading the old right now
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
