my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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