got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
