whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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