I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
