So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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