Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize