You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
