ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
