i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
