The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
