I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
