i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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