Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
