I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize